Faking It

couple-on-a-picnic
couple-on-a-picnic

As a celebrated singleton friends frequently inquire if I ever get bored of the endless stream of meaningless one night stands. My reply is always to quote a very famous old saying, “No”. This is the honest truth, but I can see their point to a degree. I’ve been through more gorgeous women than Mandy Maher in Catwalk Modelling agency but I’ve always shared the sentimentality of Woody Allen when it comes to this kind of thing. “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

Dating is still a relatively alien concept in Ireland like proper 4G mobile phone coverage and the ability to correctly approach roundabouts. However with the explosion in popularity of the likes of Tinder, POF, Grinder, etc and tv shows like First Dates Ireland the practice is catching on. As usual I am well ahead of the curve and have more dates than the residents of a nursing home. If you’re looking for a new top you don’t buy the first one you see, it’s a process, you need to try on lots to ensure the one you take home looks great on you.

Here’s the issue, dating is obviously the best way to connect with someone but how do you avoid dater fatigue and to give each person the best possible chance. True there are plenty of fish in the sea, equally true there’s also pollution, rubbish and shipwrecks. The answer is to lie. Fake it to make it. To keep things fresh and interesting, create an alternative persona. This might sound ridiculous, but do you read the same book over and over or do you read different books to be entertained. The buzz and adrenalin that this tactic creates is guaranteed to make you better company. Don’t go crazy on the lies but embellish anecdotes to create an appealing image.

Like all the great minds this advice will be ridiculed and scoffed at before eventually becoming the norm. Ladies if you are nervous at the proposition wear a good push up bra and low cut top, now your date won’t remember much of the conversation. What if the date goes well and you’re afraid they will resent being lied to, I hear you ask. Obviously coming clean, on the third or fourth date after you’ve gone for a test drive shall we say; proves that they are special. Tell them it’s a defence mechanism that you have trust issues, women love to try and fix damaged goods, and if the previous step has been good lads won’t care. An added bonus is that technically you get to have your first date all over again but even better this time.

If they react adversely it’s a damning indignation of their personality and count yourself lucky that you escaped a relationship with a narrow-minded, judgemental, unforgiving monster.

Remember folks don’t hate the Galway Player….. Hate the Galway Game

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