“Why do girlfriends talk so much rubbish?” Definitely one of the most common questions that I get asked by lads. Because they are women is the correct answer but doesn’t offer any consolation to the exasperated other half.

Like politicians behaving inappropriately and getting away with it or Liverpool fans getting overly excited at any kind of win, some things are down to hardwiring, conditioning and will never change. You have to asses the physiological, environmental, chemical and anthropological elements to effectively asses why in scientific terminology “women shite on so much”.

Let’s look at the human brain first. Research indicates there’s a biological reason why women talk so much more than men: 20,000 words a day spoken by the average woman, according to one study, versus about 7,000 words a day for the average man. Women’s brains have higher levels of a “language protein” called FOXP2, (possibly named after Galway Bay FM’s Laura Fox, I can’t confirm or deny at the moment) according to a study conducted by researchers at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.

We know that men and women think differently, look at the price of hairdressers, handbags and make up if you doubt me. We also communicate differently, men use language to convey information whereas women use it to build and maintain relationships. The classic example is “How was your day.” Men will answer fine or good if things went according to plan and nothing out of the ordinary happened. There is no new information so expanding is pointless. Women however will discuss ad nauseam , who said what, who looked at who funny, and will go into more detail on the scandal of people using her milk than contained in the Banking Enquiry Report.

This also brings up a classic difference between the sexes that needs to be understood to allow a more harmonious existence. Men discuss problems to find solutions, women discuss them to find consolation. Someone is taking her milk, the man comes up with a solution ( eyedrops in the milk will do the trick) however she is just telling you this so that you listen and console her. An understanding of this key mental difference could prevent countless unwinnable arguments.

At Christmas we all agree that the old songs are the best so are the old sayings, I’ve always agreed that “empty vessels make most noise.” The last genuine currency between people is attention, undivided attention, and if people can't earn it, they will vandalize it with noise. Sadly we live in an age that rewards vacuous, inane, attention seeking whores who have nothing to say but never shut up saying it and are handsomely rewarded for honour, so don’t expect the problem to improve any time soon lads.

Ladies silence is golden and lad’s earplugs are only €9.99 in Boots.

Remember folks don’t hate the Galway Player….hate the Galway Game

 

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