Death, taxes and awful traffic in Galway are just some of the certainties in life. Breaking up withsomeone is another, when you think about it at best all but one relationship with end in heartache. The average number of relationships we endure or enjoy depending on your disposition is eight for men and seven for ladies, that's a lot of Ben & Jerry's and Sex in the City boxsets. Science shows us that coming to terms with the loss of a partner has similar effects to the withdrawal from drugs. The problem is how do you get over the heartbreak, plenty of column inches and websites have been dedicated to solutions to aid the healing process most of which is hippy nonsense. Take it from someone who has broken more hearts around Galway than the Kilkenny hurlers. Undoubtedly 'the best way to get over one is to get under another' as the old saying goes but sometimes that's not always enough. Here are a few of my favourite ways to help someone to move on; Our song: have you ever been out having the craic with the lads and a certain song comes on which makes one of the lads more miserable than an Irish summer. The best way i have found to help him get over this and to stop remembering his ex is to secure his hands with cable ties (a staple in every bedroom nowadays) and put that song on repeat for around two hours. This Clockwork Orangesque treatment may seem harsh and could lead to slight psychological trauma but believe me soon he won't be thinking about that heartless wench. Common scents: I recently ditched a lovely aftershave because the bird i was seeing because her brother had the same one. Smell is a powerful tool as we all know and if you keep smelling her signature scent it can be upsetting. The trick here is to buy that perfume for someone that annoys you at work, the uglier the better also, soon you will associate the smell with the girl you sit beside instead of the one you used to date. Picture perfect; It's a wet friday night, Ryan Tubridy is trying to drag an interesting anecdote out of some C List celeb he met in the RTE canteen earlier and you're on the couch covered in bits of Pringles flicking through your phone drooling over her pictures. Facebook makes a clean break difficult, it's easy access to the kind of images people want to portray to the world, the best version of us. In reality she rarely looked as well as does in these filtered snaps. The trick is to keep taking photos during the relationship when she's looking rough. Photos of her first thing in the morning after a messy night out or when she's sick are ideal. The trick is to tell her that she looks beautiful no matter what, so that she lets you take the horrible photos that you then use in times of weakness after the breakup. A quick gawk at her panda eyes and streaky mascara or her chronic contouring should help the healing process. Dear Diary; It's human nature to reminisce through rose tinted glasses. When auld ones go on about the good old days they are obviously delusional, how could a time before tinder, 4G broadband, twitter and Netflix be better? Often the memories of a failed trist is like watching Reeling in the Years, short clips and cracking tunes can make anything seem better. My suggestion is to keep a diary of the oft forgotten times that she annoyed the Matt Le Tiss out of you. Dear Diary this morning i thought a rat climbed into my bed, after pulverising the rotten rodent with my 9 iorn i discovered it was her hair extensions on the pillow. or Dear Diary today i spent an hour and a half following her round Pennys and missed the first half of the Utd game.
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