The majority of tips you get over race week are nonsense and ultimately determined by the mood a horse wakes up in the morning. For proper practical tips look now further: here’s theGalway Players Don’ts and Don’ts Race Week 2014

Do Come prepared; the Galway weather is as unpredictable as a woman’s mood, a small umbrella unveiled during the inevitable showers will have the birds flocking to faster to you can say “Free Micheal Kors watches.”

Stay Connected: Apart ensuring a good body, I always check out a birds mobile phone when I’m on the pull. Dubs are always bleating on about how small Galway is and easy to get around, best of luck finding your way home from a house party in Oranmore the next morning when you’re staying in Dun. Something near the city.

Go local, I may be biased but the talent is always top notch, apart from the fun loving, free spirited nature of the Galway Girl, they can show you the places to head. The city’s night life is an ever evolving creature, their morals might be questionable but their knowledge of the local watering holes is invaluable.

Bus it: The best way to Ballybrit is getting a bus out, its efficient cheap and a great way to make friends, be a gent and offer a lady your seat or be a player and offer her a knee and talk about the first thing that pops up.

Don’t Ever buy a bird a glass of champagne, no Irish bird actually likes it or knows what it tastes like. Pour a glass of the House White into a flute top it up with the free dash of 7up on the bar, trust me she’ll be none the wiser and you’ve saved a bomb.

Bring her back to yours particularly if you’re staying in rented accommodation, given the amount of fake tan she’ll be plastered in, a night of passion will leave your accommodation looking a cell in the Maze prison during the Dirty Protests.

Commit to a bird too early in the week, Race Week is like the World Cup, a feast of top class talent to behold for one glorious period during the summer. Each game is the game of the tournament, until you lay eyes on the next cracker.

Complain about drinking from plastic glasses, it’s faster, more economical and allows you to savour the atmosphere on Shop St and around the Latin Quarter. Realistically you’d drink out of a boot by the end of the night.

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