Being a keen student of the Irish social scene I'm always assessing and analysing the trends and goings on in the countries top venues. Last weekend during a particularly bleak lull in an availability of interesting ladies I was watching Match of the Day on the tv in the bar and quickly began to draw comparisons between the approach of my friends to that of the elite English clubs. Arsenal: lads like the Gunners are those that look well, have really nice approach play but generally go home empty handed. Standards have dropped recently and they've began to celebrate minor victories like getting a number.

Liverpool: These guys are hard to listen to, used to be really successful but have been struggling of late. Always eager to reminisce about the good old days. A hopeless optimist that's good craic to have around for entertainment valve of seeing him get close to success and watch her slip away from him alone.

Man Utd: He's just out of a long term relationship and he's not getting on too well. Struggling without former other half and some of his attempts at getting back on track have been horrific. He attempts to throw money at the problem, new clothes, car etc but it's going to take time to get back to feeling himself.

Man City: When you look at this lad on paper he should be doing way better that he currently is. He's the kind of chap that's over reliant on one attribute maybe his looks, job, etc but as we all no this isn't sustainable long term. Can turn on the style big time with the top birds but often struggles to motivate himself for the plainer ladies on offer.

Chelsea: We're talking serious boyfriend material here. Steady, sensible always puts his best front on display. He takes its easy on a night out doesn't get drunk, has a game plan and sticks to it. Confident and interesting to listen to he definitely won't be going home alone too often.

Newcastle: The joker of the group. Always good fun to be around very passionate, he can go ages without scoring and then out of nowhere can hit a spectacular run of form even of most of his conquests won't live long in the memory.

As I always say dating is a game. You need to set out with a game plan to have any chance of success. Going up to a beautiful girl with nothing interesting to say is like going away to Barcelona and playing without a goalkeeper.

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