Every so often I like to give in to the desires of a young lady and actually go out with her. It’s useful for my writing to experience a relationship albeit it briefly, however the main rational is to remind myself why it’s so great to be single. In my twenty seven years I have yet to see a compelling argument for monogamy but despite a lack of appeal personally it remains extremely popular.

To settle my own curiosity I decided to investigate the best ways available; if any, to make your relationship more tolerable. Girls change, first time you meet they are often a bundle of sexy fun with a devil may care attitude, once you girlfriend them that all changes rapidly. Have i just been unlucky, is this always the case, can it be rectified? So many questions.

After wading though, psychology journals, behavioural studies and even attending obedience classes for puppies, I realised that best practice for successful boyfriends to emulate is parenting techniques.

We all know that physically and mentally women age faster than their male counterparts but from empirical and anecdotal evidence I believe the gap closes and in most case reverses in their mid twenties. Irish men experience a serious culture shock when they enter the big bad world it’s a much gentler transition for the ladies. For single women their twenties is pretty much spent, working, watching soaps, dieting, shopping online, looking round Pennys, returning online purchases, taking selfies and on social media. Hardly the most fertile breeding ground for tomorrows captainess' of industry.

What I have found is that in some instances if you take the parental role in the relationship you can alleviate most of the common problems relationships encounter.

Studies show that the behaviour that gets attention is the behaviour you get more of. So if you keep giving out about shopping sprees she will shop more. Armed with this knowledge wisdom dictated that you praise her cooking and her nocturnal endeavours you’ll be a happy camper. Pretty simple but the best ideas often are.

Guys we should in all honesty try to see things from our girlfriends perspective, obviously it’s impossible to understand women fully. What you can do is look at sites like her.ie magazines like Stellar and Cosmo and shows like the Kardashians, Made In Chelsea and X Factor. You won’t actually understand women any better but this will help to give their strange behaviour some kind of context.

Parents often use “time outs” to give children time to calm down ponder their bad behaviour. This can be tricky but nevertheless very effective. I just say “No Coverage” and there’s silence. As when the bars all disappear on your phone, its time for quiet contemplation and self reflection. I’ve found the skill of multitasking has alluded many of my past acquaintances so this verbal abstinence provides an opportunity to attempt to process my opinions. The bold step is probably asking for trouble to be fair.

A rewards board is regularly used as an incentive for children to behave better and in return receive a gift of some kind. It’s pretty straightforward and easy to quantify, transferring system to your own relationship is just as easy as long as she is never fully aware of the exact parameters. One star for this, three stars for that. If Ivan Pavlov could do it with dogs then surely you can manage to persuade your mot to adjust her habits.

And if all else fails maybe you should put her across your knee and give her a good spanking....who knows she'll probably love it 

Don't hate the Galway Player… hate the Galway Game 

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