Taking the Biscuit The first question most people ask once they’ve discovered my pre-eminence as a dating expert is, why are they single? Often that’s easily answered within seconds of seeing them, other times it requires the kind of psychological insights that only I can provide.

I will ask people if they were a biscuit what kind of biscuit they’d be. Think about it. I won’t get into the science of this but my studies are currently being adopted by a number of major multinationals for their recruitment process. Let’s examine a number of popular snacks and see if you can identify with my findings.

Chocolate Hobnob – The king of the biscuit, a coating of chocolate makes everything better but melt away the delicious outer layer and you’re still left with a masterpiece of confectionary. People who see themselves as a Chocolate Hobnob, have bags of self esteem and believe they look good but also have the personality to match. A popular choice always snapped up quickly.

Custard Creams – Are you a Custard Cream? A safe bet, inoffensive, nice? A Custard Cream isn’t going to get the pulses racing but at the same time it’s a solid choice, the Irish Mammy at least will appreciate you. If you identify with this biscuit you prefer to blend in at parties, you’re a traditionalist and are happiest with a cup of tea at home watching The Late Late Show on a Friday night.

Burbons -The longer you’re single the more Burbons you meet. These people are like the guy or girl you meet in Supermacs at 3am rarely you first choice but can still satisfy you. Burbon personality types are very comfortable in their own skin, resilient they can last on the shelf for quiet some time until someone takes a liking and decides to unwrap and enjoy them.

Rich Tea Biscuits – I’ve had people tell me that this is the biscuits they most identify with before I fall asleep as they are mid sentence. I can’t think of a more boring treat, biscuits are supposed to be a treat, something to enjoy not make you yearn for a piece of fruit. We all know Rich Tea biscuits, they smile first thing in the morning to get it out of the way for the day, dislike any kind of fun or deviation from the plan. The worst thing is when a Rich Tea biscuit ends up with a fun loving Jaffa Cake or a cheeky Chocolate Chip Cookie and sucks the fun out of them.

If I haven’t mentioned your biscuit tweet @galwayplayer to find out more.

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