Valentines Day is rapidly becoming one of the most dreaded dates on the calendar as it reminds forlorn single women of their hopeless lonely plight. No other day of stirs up such conflicting emotions amongst the fairer sex as this spring Sunday, celebrating the martyred patron Saint of greeting cards, chocolates and awkward dinner dates. The stigma of being single is still apparently a tough cross to bear and the feast day of St Valentine the focal point of ire for exasperated females. For many single ladies the only action they get in bed is watching snapchat stories that are as interesting as reading a politicians manifesto.
I’ve always thought that being in a relationship is like being on a diet, it requires self restraint, discipline and dedication, basically it’s boring. The single life allows complete autonomy to experience a more varied diet, like dating the more effort you make the more exciting the dishes you enjoy. Sadly most single Irish women lack creativity in the kitchen and indeed the bedroom to avoid invariably snacking on alone Weight Watchers lasagne. Speaking of fast food there’s a group of ladies in Galway that have nicknamed me “Supermac” after the gourmet restaurant, because they crave me at the end of a night out and always regret it the next morning. Harsh, but probably fair.
The second week in February actually sees a peak in self loathing and frustration, mainly due to the failure to adhere to any resolutions. Time constraints, tv, weather and budget have been blamed for a myriad of failings; hoards have joined and subsequently gave up on the gym to name but one. One broken promise above all others “not be single again this Valentines Day” is the catalyst for a perfect storm of emotion that tends to erupt over this weekend of contrived romance.
It’s no real surprise to me this generation of snapchat watching, selfie taking, instagram adoring, Kardashian loving, motivational quote posting, fad dieting, gym bunny, stunhuns are struggling to find the one.
Irish mothers don’t exactly help either, if nagging was an Olympic sport they’d clean up. The desire to get daughters married off is a major factor contributing to the whiff of desperation polluting the pubs and clubs of the land. Despite nightclubs doing for romance what Donald Trump is doing for intelligent Americans online dating is still seen as more of a one night stand catalyst. Admitting you met your fella on Tinder is still somehow less socially accepted than bonding over a snackbox at 4am. It’s claimed that Ireland is too small for online dating to flourish, I think the fact that we are an exceptionally unattractive and unphotogenic race is a bigger stumbling block.
Lads are subliminally conditioned to deal with relationship calamity thanks in the main part to sport. Consider the case of a guy who started dating an absolute stunner who has let herself go and is now a pale shadow of her former self. Once passion and excitement were taken for granted now you’re lucky not to doze off before you get any action. Sound familiar Man Utd fans? Guys know a few successful dates don’t guarantee a relationship either. You can prepare as best you can, have tremendous intentions, goodwill and support, but agonisingly fall short and reality hits you like an French forward at full tilt.
My message to the lonely hearts around the nation is to embrace and enjoy your singleness. The best way to attract a true soulmate is to be content and fulfilled in yourself, maybe make you your Valentine this year and next year someone else will too.
That or join Tinder…..